If you are in shock, know that we are in the deepest moments of shock as well. It's hard posting right now, but I wanted to let everyone know. All I can say is he woke up yesterday acting well, as evidenced by my previous post. I took the kids out and was gone from about 4 to about 8, and Brett got home around 6. He was acting totally normal, including bringing us another stuffed animal on our arrival, eating dinner just fine, going outside and trolling around as has become the norm once again. But by 10 or so, when I was going to let him out one more time, I found him lying in his usual spot behind his chair, a wicker rocking chair, but when I asked if he wanted out, all he could do was lift his head and lay back down. I knew immediately something was critically wrong. Brett came over to help me, and we knew we had to call for help. Suffice to say after a couple phone calls with Tom diagnosing over the phone, consulting with Wendy, and Wendy rushing home so Tom could get to us, we found that we were in a really tough spot fast with Guinness. I don't have the strength to post up any details right now, but I will say that after facing the (very few) options we had, at about 11:40 last night Brett and I were by Guinness' side with Tom in our living room as he was put to sleep.
I know you will most likely want to know why, so as fast as I can get it out, the anemia caused by the chemotherapy and the cancer, finally was stronger than the prednisone that was keeping it a bay. We were stuck in a rock and a hard place, where Guinness couldn't be kept on a high dose of predinsone without him suffering from damage to his body, but without it, he wasn't able to
The only thing that keeps me going right now is knowing that his last day was a really good one. I shared my breakfast with him upstairs in the office here, so happy he was still wanting to make the trip upstairs still. He brought us stuffed animals (even chewed the eyeballs out), and was feeling, at least outwardly, good enough to have a normal day. He was Guinness right up until the very end.
I have to say, after it was all over last night I immediately thought about how hard it was going to be to break it to everyone, my family, all of you. It made me really sad, but it also helped me immensely knowing that, once again, I have so many of you to share the sadness, and also the happiness that Guinness has brought.
Finally, the photo I posted yesterday now takes on one of those poignantly sad twists when I recall one of my first photos of Mia and Guinness. The image keeps reappearing in my mind, and I thought it would be nice to post it here to show how much of a gentle guy and kind spirit Guinness has always been.
I will leave you with these two photos of Guinness with Mia and Jaina for now, and I will post again when I have my wits about me a bit more. Thank you all of you for being there for me though the most difficult part of Guinness' life.
Guinness with Jaina and Mia, Summer 2003